When your marriage is struggling, the first and most important thing to consider is that “I just married the wrong person” is rarely true. Sure, there are occasions that a partner will realize their spouse has toxic behaviors that inhibit a happy, healthy marriage, such as being abusive or narcissistic.
Generally, the fault is that two imperfect people have come together. Then they blame each other for imperfections instead of fixing their own.
Think about the list of “blames” you have for your spouse right now. Perhaps some of them are completely legitimate. At the same time, are you able to fully own and correct your own faults when you are pointing fingers at your spouse?
Having accountability for the experience you are offering to your spouse is one thing you MUST do if you want a healthy marriage. That includes keeping your focus on you and how you can improve.
If your higher principle is to have a healthy, happy marriage, then there is no getting around this next fact – no matter what superpowers you believe you have:
You MUST protect your marriage from outside influences. This includes the company you keep.
Truth: You become who your friends are.
Truth: If your friends and/or family do not respect your marriage, they do not respect you – even if they tell you otherwise.
Truth: Who you spend your time with will either help or hurt your marriage, there is no gray area in this.
It can be hard to distance from lifelong friends, and even family members, when you realize they hurt instead of help your marriage. At these times, ask yourself what is most important?
If you have to stop to think about whether your marriage is more important than anything else, then you really do have serious marital problems.
Putting your spouse first, above all others is a MUST if you want a healthy, happy marriage. You share too much life together to have any other relationship between you.
What about the children? They come first, after your spouse. They will grow up and leave the nest. Your spouse on the other hand never leaves you. When your children see that type of dedication in your marriage, they will be able to create their own healthy marriages and families. In that, you serve both your spouse and your children by putting your spouse first, even in blended families.
Loving your spouse as if they are brand new in your life, every day, is a MUST if you want a happy, healthy marriage.
As humans, we have an inborn need to take things for granted. It is a way of feeling secure. However, when you take your spouse for granted and forget to offer them love every day, then the marriage will begin to slip from being a higher priority to being a “thing”, like an old forgotten teddy bear collecting dust in the back of your closet.
Your spouse is not an old teddy bear. They are a person who is born again each day, just as you are. Treat them accordingly and your marriage will be well on its way to being healthy and happy for years to come. Read more…